Third Crusader Challenge and Whisky Trench Riders Video

ach has posted the third crusader challenge on her blog. Here are the rules for show not tell:

My Show Not Tell Challenge: In 300 words or less, write a passage (it can be an excerpt from your WIP, flash fiction, a poem, or any other writing) that shows (rather than tells) the following:
you're scared and hungry
it's dusk
you think someone is following you
and just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: shimmer, saccadic, substance, and salt.

Mine's adapted from my wip, Out of the Water, and features Rosa in an escape scene:

he hurtled down the corridor, trying not to hear the slapping footsteps behind. Her feet turned and her body followed, her thoughts a waterfall of words. Get away, get away. The salt tang of tears ran into her mouth.

She must have been guided by smells of cooking, for she'd reached an archway to the kitchens. A man in an apron tapped a wooden spoon against a bowl, beside a pot bubbling over an open fire.

He turned a gaping mouth on her as she skidded past, and called out, waving the spoon. The smell of some sizzling substance made her want to stop in her tracks, accepting whatever might happen, if she could only have one bowlful of that savoury broth.

Her thoughts crystallised long enough for her mind to guide her saccadic actions. As the man reached out, she grabbed a poker, hooked it to the pot's rim and yanked, jumping back before the hot liquid could splash on her. The spoon clattered to the floor and the man yelped as broth splattered across his arms.

The first open door led outside to an herb garden. She was halfway through when she heard crashing and banging behind her. A man stood up among the mint, his shadow reaching nearly to her feet.

Dirt flew up in clods against her legs as she ran toward the forest, a shimmer of darkness at the end of the field, clutching a stitch in her side, not stopping or looking behind her. She burst into the shelter of the branches and tramped through the undergrowth, slipping and sliding on pine needles, ears pricked to their utmost, straining for the sound of pursuit above her own thrashing.

She sprang out into a clearing and crashed into another man. Her thoughts turned to ice.

I actually managed to meet all the requirements! But do let me know if I succeeded in showing not telling.

oday's another check in for A Round of Words in 80 Days, and I've been doing okay. Thursday I got a teeny bit of editing done, Friday was a wash, and Saturday I ploughed through eight more pages. Getting closer to the point where I can reprint the entire MS and start all over again. Still need to draft a few scenes for the middle bits...

nless I'm much mistaken, I've caught up on all the A-Z letters as of today. I lost track after I realised I'd been adding letters on Sundays as well. Good luck to all you A-Zers in the last week!





Look out for my review of Lisa Hendrix's Immortal Champion, which I won through Nas' blog. Thanks Nas and Lisa!



Annnnd... Here's the new video for Driftin' from the Whisky Trench Riders!