Ayten's Story Outtake for Campaign Challenge Three

Campaign Challenge Three!

I have to stay in the wip, of course. This comes far, far ahead in Verse, Venice and Viziers, after some harrowing events have separated Ayten and Devran from the others on board Devran's ship (challenge details below):

A ship was approaching.

She stood on the hilltop in the shade of the pine, and shielded her eyes from the rising sun. Three masts. Not their own ship, then.

Devran had led them from the brigands' cave, and estimated that they would reach the city in another week's time. If he was right, and the brigands were unable to track them, then they would only have been gone for two weeks.

She had no idea what to expect - had the brigands demanded a ransom, so that Rosa and the others would at least know they'd been wastopaneer? If there'd been no word whatsoever, she couldn't begin to imagine the worry and confusion the others might be feeling.

She sank to the roots of the pine, the knotty bark digging into her back. It was easier to think about the others now, this far from the horrors of the cave.

Devran had insisted they spend two nights on this hilltop, so that he could hunt and fish for them. It wasn't an attractive spot by any means. The land was dry as a desert, and something rotten to the north had even attracted a vulture. Every once in a while, its beak clacked, making her jump.

She took the last of their tacise, stolen from an orchard four days ago, and held it to her nose, breathing deeply of the clean scent before digging in. The juice was tart, but washed with delicious coolness down her throat.

Boot heels rang out on the rocks below and she scrambled to her feet. Had Devran caught a synbatec, perhaps? She hadn't even gotten a fire going.

"Don't be alarmed, Ayten," he called. "I've got someone with me."

He appeared over the top of the hill - leading another woman by the hand.


These were the rules: "Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:

  • that it's morning,
  • that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
  • that the MC (main character) is bored
  • that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
  • that something surprising happens.

Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise." (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them)."

I think I did it all... in 300 words! Not sure if events as written will appear quite this way in the wip [wink]. Looking forward to seeing everyone else's entry!

Comments

Sounds like a great challenge!
Zan Marie said…
Good job! I'm not even trying this challenge. Too much else is demanding I write NOW! ; )
Linda G. said…
Oh, nice! You did it all, and very well! :)
Deniz Bevan said…
Thanks Carole, Zan Marie, and Linda! I never would have been able to do this challenge if Rach hadn't thrown the beach in there - it came at just the right place, when I was already thinking about this timeline in my story.
That's a surprising ending! Great writing--I wish there was more. :)
Deniz Bevan said…
Aww, thank you Eagle! So inspiring, as I start drafting my way into Ayten's story.
Tony Storm said…
oh yeah i saw someone else do the challenge earlier today, its quite interesting
Glynis said…
Great piece to use for the challenge, Deniz. You used the guidelines well.
Glynis said…
PS: I thought of you when I walked around Colchester Castle grounds last week. Straight away I saw your face and remembered you had visited.
Nadja Notariani said…
I'm enjoying that you are staying with the characters from your current WIP; that's such a great idea, and I'm sure it encourages you to delve more deeply into the characters' minds, too. Your style is lovely, and I always enjoy your settings and descriptions.

I skipped this challenge, with Rule of Three, ROW80, and NaNo prep - I'm taxed!

Have a great weekend, Deniz!
Misha said…
I love that you use the same characters for the Challenge and Rule of Three. :-)
Katie Dodge said…
Nicely done! Who is this other woman?! Great job. :)
bridget said…
Is the other woman a synbatic? Mine is #56
treelight said…
Quite an interesting take on the Challenge, compared to what I have read so far. I liked it!
Jess said…
Yes, very surprising ending! Loved it! I want to read more!!

I'm entry #5
Deniz Bevan said…
Thanks Tony!

Aww, thanks Glynis! DH and I are hoping to return to the UK in the spring.

Thank you Nadja and Misha! It's not necessarily by choice - once I'm in these characters' heads, I can't switch to anyone else.

Thanks Katie, Bridget, treelight and Jess. If the other woman makes it into the novel, I'll let you know who she is. Otherwise... [evil grin]
Sheri L. Swift said…
Very nicely done, incorporating your WIP! Sounds like my kind of story! ; )
mooderino said…
The start of a love triangle?

Good job, liked it.

mood
(now following)
Moody Writing
@mooderino
no. 79
Jen said…
The small bits of your WIP you've shared during the Campaign have been intriguing. I really want to know more!
Mine is #25.
If this is part of your WiP, then I want a copy of this book. Let me know when it's coming out.

I've enjoyed reading your entries! :)
K.T. Hanna said…
I love that your WIP fit so perfectly into this challenge. Well done on slipping in the words too!
Kurt Hartwig said…
Fantastic! I actually came over to read your latest Rule of 3, but stopped by this one first. Nice use of the words!
Deniz Bevan said…
Thank you Sheri, mood, Jen, David, KT and Kurt! You guys are really getting me excited to work on this story during NaNo :-)
Mel Fowler said…
I'm supposed to tell you that you've moved on to the next round of judging. Congrats!
Deniz Bevan said…
Squee! Thanks Mel!

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