Ayten and Devran in the First Campaigner Challenge of Rach's Fourth Writers' Campaign

Campaign challenge!

Shadows crept across the wall. Devran picked up her quill and twirled it. "I was banished to Smyrna."
"Smyrna!"
"Yes." Orange ink splattered onto his knee. "I was there last autumn."
The quill came close to her dress. "So that's how you knew everyone at my father's funeral." She pushed his hand aside and the quill fell on the sand.
"I wasn't long in Smyrna. My mother took ill and -"
"You said it'd been years since she'd passed away. Or was that a lie?"
"I was not lying, Ayten," he said, rising. The sunset behind cast his body into shadow. "I don't tell falsehoods or embellish my words. That would be the task of a poet." He tossed the quill beside her.
"Tell me the story then, and we'll see what poetry comes of it. A young girl, lost in the city. The spoilt son of the Grand Vizier, who takes advantage of her innocence -"
"Be careful what rumours you repeat. Or have you not heard the one where I have a garden filled with bones?"
He spun on his heel and cut across the beach, trampling the wild grass. The sunk sank into the sea. Everything faded.

Here are the rules I followed (I met every single condition!):

"Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, 'Shadows crept across the wall'. These five words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)
include the word "orange" in the story
write in the same genre you normally write
make your story 200 words exactly!
Feel free to use the picture [of a couple on a beach at sunset] to inspire you, or else see how whacky, creative, and original you can get :)"

Looking forward to reading everyone else's!

Now for some more Neil Gaiman, featuring quotes from Stardust, reading which is like digging into the world of William Morris and George MacDonald and unearthing a lost story.


"'I am the most miserable person who ever lived,' he said... 'You are young, and in love,' said Primus. 'Every young man in your position is the most miserable young man who ever lived.'"

"He was walking into Faerie, in search of a fallen star, with no idea how he would find the star, nor how to keep himself safe and whole as he tried. He looked back and fancied that he could see the lights of Wall behind him, wavering and glimmering as if in a heat-haze, but still inviting."

"Every lover is, in his heart, a madman, and, in his head, a minstrel."

"He stared up at the stars: and it seemed to him then that they were dancers, stately and graceful, perfomrming a dance almost infinite in its complexity. He imagined he could see the very faces of the stars; pale, they were, and smiling gently, as if they had spent so much time above the world, watching the scrambling and the joy and the pain of the people below them, that they could not help being amused every time another little human believed itself the center of its world, as each of us does."

"It's not hard to own something. Or everything. You just have to know that it's yours, and then be willing to let it go."

Comments

Jess said…
Ooh very interesting! I wish I could read more of the story!! Sounds like something I'd like :)
Great job!

I'm entry #19
Morgan said…
So great you write historical romance. *love* Nice work! :D
Rek said…
Some tug of war out there...did he lie or not....enjoyable as always.
David P. King said…
Big Stardust fan, here.

Awesome dialogue and really cool names. The characterization alone drew me in. Nice one, Deniz! :)
Oh nice! A very enjoyable read, as well as a fun challenge - well done :-)
S.P. Bowers said…
Love the snip. And I really enjoyed stardust. That was the first Gaiman I read.
Medeia Sharif said…
I'd love to read Stardust.

Nice piece for the challenge. The garden filled with bones is creepy.
I love your entry. I wish you luck in winning. I already assigned a judge to it :)
Stella Atrium said…
I liked the use of dialogue to drive the action of this story. Very nicely done!
Interesting entry! I love the way the characters are revealed through mostly dialogue.

Stardust is one of my favorite books. :)
Carrie Butler said…
Nice dialogue! I enjoyed it. :D
Kevin Hiatt said…
Thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing!
Alyssa said…
Nice entry! I want to read more! :)

I'm #37
I was reviewing Historicals and got hooked on them!

Love your story and would love to read more!
Ashley Nixon said…
Really liked the ending! Great line!

Also, I LOVED Stardust! Such a good book!
Hi Deniz, just dropping by from the campaign. Loved your take on the challenge. Look forward to reading more.
Ann Cory said…
Enthralling! You've a natural voice. I enjoyed the escape with the historical touch. Well done!
Liz Fichera said…
Well done! So much packed into a little piece but it worked perfectly.
Susan Fields said…
"a garden filled with bones" - love it!
Margo Kelly said…
Well done! I, too, like the line: a garden filled with bones.

:)
Stuart Nager said…
Great dialogue. Stopping by through the campaign. Also a big Neil fan

Tale Spinning: Wednesday's Child
Like everyone i enjoyed the dialogue. I wiould have liked to listen in on more. Mine is #71
Sherri Lackey said…
Like everyone else said, the garden of bones part is intriguing. I can't resist a mysterious character.
I liked the playful dialogue :)
#83
Cherie Reich said…
Ooo, awesome entry for the first challenge. I love the lines "I don't tell falsehoods or embellish my words. That would be the task of a poet."
nutschell said…
I loooove Stardust! It's one of my favorite books and I think I've watched the movie 5x. :)
Siv Maria said…
There are some really great lines here and wonderful dialogue.
alexia said…
Intriguing! Nice job. Oh, and I adore Neil Gaiman.
AveryMarsh said…
Great dialogue. I especially love the line about the garden full of bones. :)
Deniz Bevan said…
Thanks so much everyone! All your kind words are making me blush :-)
Gwen said…
Oh, you've got such a great story going on here! So much history and drama!

I'm #109 if you want to stop by.
Kerri Cuev said…
Very interesting. I'm curious to know more. Great job!
Christy Farmer said…
So nice to meet a fellow historical fan! Loved the line about the garden full of bones too. Very nice! :-)
Nick Wilford said…
Very nice. Sets up a lot of questions for a wider story too. Well done!
Miranda Hardy said…
Great dialogue and intriguing story line.
Melissa Bradley said…
Great job on the challenge. I was hooked and wanted to read more.

I love Neil Gaiman, he is one of the most amazing writers.
Melissa said…
Different. I like it. = )

Melissa Maygrove
#149 on the Campaign Challenge list
Nancy Thompson said…
Very poetic, rich with lovely dialogue. Nicely done. I'm entry #96. Oh, and I saw your query up on the QQQE. That was very well done, too. Good for you!
Deniz Bevan said…
Thanks very much all! Off to read and enjoy yours, now!
Arlee Bird said…
Nice job meeting the challenge. Orange ink eh?


Lee (#126 on the Campaign Challenge List)
An A to Z Co-Host
Tossing It Out
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge
J.C. Martin said…
Nice confrontation scene. Was that a parting threat?
C.M.Brown said…
I liked the playful dialogue too! Well done!
Colleen Chen said…
Great dialogue and romantic tension, as usual...I love these characters already.
Deniz Bevan said…
Thanks Arlee, J. C., C. M. and Colleen! I'm still making the rounds...
Tina DC Hayes said…
Intriguing, especially the part with the bones in the garden. :) Good Luck in the Challenge

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