Second Challenge for the Fourth Campaign - Warning! Contains Nuances of Certain Activities - Also, an Award

Woo! This one's a doozy, Rach!

I won't copy out all the prompts/rules, but here are the one's I've followed:

"Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts" - I've chosen prompt 5:

"For added difficulty/challenge: Ask Challenge entrants to critique your writing"

So, have at it!

This is a scene shortened from the original incident in Rome, Rhymes and Risk. Ayten and Devran escaped from their kidnappers that morning and have been walking/running/hiding all day. Tonight they've made camp, with a bit of fire...
The dark woods pressed close all around their camp.

Stirring the fire one last time, he tossed the fir twig onto the flames.

Ayten dozed in the crook of his arm. The blanket had slipped off her shoulder, but her skin was warm against his. They hardly needed the fire.

Her fingers had landed in his lap; if he shifted, they'd be close to - ah.

She hadn't stirred. One by one he raised her fingers, took them in his hand, and tugged them forward to cover him.

"Beautiful girl," he whispered in her ear, and she smiled with her eyes closed, and drew herself up.

Her breasts rose with her movement, and he tasted her gold-shadowed skin, lit by the fire. She arched her back, and her hand fell away from his lap.

"Touch me," he murmured, kissing up her neck, into her hair, redolent of pine needles. He wrapped his hand about hers and guided her, his need at the edge already. His breath came short.


"I was right," he said, some time later.

She lay on his chest, hand curled over his heart. "Mmm?"

He traced a forefinger up her arm. "We don't need the fire."

Cat gave me a lovely award!

Here're my answers to the award questions:

What's your favourite...
colour: purple - or yellow
animal: my cats Frodo and Sam
number: seven
non-alcoholic drink: coffee, with warm milk
pattern: Tolkien's Tree of Amalion (and his friezes and emblems)
flower: jasmine

What are your passions?: reading and writing

Facebook or Twitter: I'm on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, and Tumblr

Getting or giving presents?: both!

This award goes to... Everyone who's stopping by from the campaign and would like a little ray of sunshine!


Nadja Notariani said…
Die schreiben ist heisse!! haha.

Really great excerpt/entry, Deniz. Loved the flow of dialogue, description, emotion melded together.....'redolent with pine'...favorite phrase. :)
Unknown said…
Beautifully descriptive and nicely toasted :)
Nice! Well, er, pictured in so few words!
Unknown said…
"gold-shadowed skin, lit by the fire." <--- beautiful :-)

xx Rachel
My entry
Tara Tyler said…
definitely different!
and sweet imagery!
S.P. Bowers said…
Nice scene. I'm going to have to think about this challenge.

My favorite flower is an Iris.
Cherie Reich said…
Great imagery. I love the last line. :)
Unknown said…
Nice flash fiction; you set the scene pretty damn well :D
Morgan said…
Yummmmm... I like me some steam ;) Really awesome. Off to go "like" ;)
Nancy Thompson said…
Great imagery! What was I thinking? I thought we had to use all the prompts. Now I see we didn't. Oh well, I gave it my best try. I'm entry #5.
Nas said…
Loved the excerpt, Deniz. Congrats on the award and your aswers are interesting!
Oh! The cliffhanger? Nice excerpt, very well done!
Unknown said…
So. Much. Tension. lol.
Great job--I loved the "not needing the fire" aspect! Very nice!
Unknown said…
Very good entry...nice steamy without being obvious scene. So Finally Devran is having a good time, poor guy. :)
Jenn said…
Nice job creating his sexual tension. :)
Susan Fields said…
Great entry! And I love your cats names! :)
sue said…
excellent sensory images
Sue #48
Denise Covey said…
Hey Deniz, this is an awesome treatment of the prompt! Congrats on your award too!

Unknown said…
A little bit of heat there! Nicely done!
Nick Wilford said…
Nice intimate scene, without being over the top. Well done!
Mina Burrows said…
I liked it. It certainly can get hot by the camp fire. Nice job!
Deniz Bevan said…
Thank you so much everyone! You've given me lots of confidence, I was worried at first about posting this scene...
Anonymous said…
I can definitley say I wasn't expecting a little bit of romance in this Challenge. Well done!

Golden Eagle said…
Interesting use of the prompt! :) Great entry.
Jessica Salyer said…
Definitely didn't need the fire. ;) nicely done.
Anonymous said…
Hot flash, coming through! ;) Thanks for sharing it.